i really do not know what the hell am i doing
im totally stupid and crazy for waiting and loving someone who dont even care about me
i know
not everyone i love
will love me back
but

why it is so complicated?

maybe there are some reasons why i still not over him
is it because i cant or is it because there is no one else?

im sick & tired for being sick & tired

or
should i be anti-love?

or
would i dare letting it show?



yeah..i wish

ive recovered for a while
but all the sudden
it come back

though at that time i always said

a friend is all you'll ever be
but im always secretly wish
the way u want her would be the way u want me

and i had succeed to hide it

now?

my mother always says that most of my friends are so stylo..but not me.haha..mesti korang bangga kan?menyampah.but that's not the point.the point is they never make a rule or any criteria to befriend with them like "u have to be as stylo as us...baru u boleh join us".never!!!as i can easily make friends, so are they because we dont judge people from their appearance...ada la sket2 kutuk orang punye style, but that was for fun and that's it!!but if someone like to befriend with us we'll welcome it.BUT..do not mess with us!!some of us might want to make friend because of they have their own agenda.i dont know..maybe they want to be glamour or what, to dress like someone, to get someone...whatever!!which is not right as they are not sincere in their friendship.true friends will always be on your side in whatever situation you are in.happy & sad.luckily i have that kind of friends and mish them so much. i thank you all and im so grateful to know u guys. they might be seen as gila-gila, sexy or whatever but they are so kind hearted. seriously...i dont mind what others gonna say, but im so proud to know them and to admit that they are my friends!!!ok..jangan nak kembang sangat!!!

::dia ni penghibur hati semua orang::

::dia ni sangat pemurah dan suka tolong orang walaupun selalu berlagak brutal::
yess..she's married & that her husband.huh..

::dia ni kecik je tapi garang, kerex plak tapi dia memang baik hati::


i really mish you guys!!
thanx for always be there

XOXO

lets just fall in love~again



you belong with me

XOXO

lately, if u guys notice..and i bet u guys did, the news is on the same matters. murder. Ah Long. politics. and all that. buhsan kan?buang bayi...is like a must topic in the news. where the hell is their humanity?did the leave it somewhere?i really dont understand human nowadays. baby is the most cutest creature on earth, how could they just dump them?ya ALLAH..at least leave it somewhere at mosque or in front of people house, but dont, please dont dump them at the garbage, drainage or river, flush them in the toilet...haishhhh.that is so wrong!!!totally wrong!!obviously u have made mistake and dont double it. i rather now watch other programme than watching the news. it will make my heart ache.

i was dreaming something funny yesterday.haha..sumpah funny. told mama about it. mama pun gelak. people said if we dream on something and we can remember the dream, it will never come true!so..that's it!!heeeee...bai~

XOXO

resting at home for almost three weeks, i was accompanied by Hagemaru, Asarichan, Fukuchan, Oprah, Kardashian, Giuliana & Bill, Putera Shazlan, Kimora, Cahaya, Alisa and many more. thanx a lot to Astro for keep on repeating the same tv programme for a quite long period.huhu.believe me.. i can watch the all three CSI, i can watch Kardashians' Marathon the whole day until my back pain.haha..what to do..i couldnt go out as i cant..well, u know im supposed to stay at home to rest.that is why i keep on watching television and keep on exploring the programme.haha..

but lately..i dont really know, is it because of im~getting~older~the~hormone~is~not~stable~as ~said~by~doctor, ive become so sensitive.even when i was watching some kind of drama pun, i can simply cry..haiya.what a shame?!!x maxho ar bai?!!!seriously..im so touching-touching now u know..i just noticed when i was watching the finale episode of CSI where dr Jekyll has been tracked and he told the CSI the reason why he killed those people.my tears simply went out..cant u imagine??!!it just CSI!!and i was crying watching it?!!duuhhhh..owh but then, unfortunately dr langston was stabbed by nate haskell..so the possibility for grissom to come back is high!!weee~huuuu!!!baru la besh!!grissom is my best CSI!!!i dont like horatio..because he like macho-cool-with-his-sunglasses-but-lazy-to-work-at-the-lab man..not good ye!!new york team is better..for me.

another thing is this should not be blogged as this showed that im supposed to hate him and this also was officially shown that how much pain ive feel after officially he changed the status...kan?and then i keep on blogging the same thing.haiyaaaa...dun have la.its simple.he has your number, he knows your house, he can buzz you when you are online, he can text you after he changed again his status...if he really wants you seriously.BUTTTTT..did he ever do one of those thing said above?!!!!!NOPE!!!so..what the heck uve been thinking of him like he is meant for you!!!!come on la..PUHHHLEASSSE!!let him be..love rally makes people so dumb..even dumber than you can imagine.if he is my destiny..fine, i will accept it.but i wont waiting like crazy for him no more...no baby no!!!ok..cCHILL!!

after the operation and all the check-ups..i realised that ive been eating so unhealthily.doc said that we, human now has a different eating behaviour.which i agreed with him.nowadays has so many fast foods and due to our busy~ness we keep on eating them as it is so FAST!!but the ingredient or content of the food also will make our body so FAST collapse...to make it short, im gonna mish you McD, KFC, Cool Blog and others. we cannot see too often,maybe once in a moon...yess, to leave you is a tough decison for me!!!huhuhu..goodbye..welcome OAT!!Kellogs K!!bole caye ke?!!huh..


the above pix is my primary class mate..Faryna Mohd Khalis.nampak x selempang pink tuh?!!!!nampak x?!!!ANC ok?!!and graduating for MASTER!!!wallawehhhh!!!salute babe!!!im so proud of you.she was MASTERing in AD..who cares?!!ingat buat AD pun senang2 ke dapat ANC??i bet it was so worth for you !!!and for sure your mother so proud of you.anak makcik tipah jual nasi lemak tau!!dont play play ha!!!!faryna..the one that i know was and i believe she still creative.a very shy-shy girl.soft spoken.and humble.but now she proved to the world..[wah!!!over] that she had succeed to achieve her dream with her passion.yessss...art is of course her passion...as long as i can remember, she always received credits for her drawings while we were in primary. CONGRATS!!!nnti aku datang kedai mak ko makan nasi lemak!!hahaha..to see people achievements is great.but to compare is not great but pain.huhu..so, dont compare, but celebrate with them..hopefully you can achieve it yourself!!but just sitting and blogging will never bring you anywhere..it must come with effort!!!x kan x tau kot~!!!!so..start study.but first pay your exam fees..haha.i bet the syllabus has changed.demmit..why la they keep on revising the syllabus??cant you just stick to the old one?!!haiyaaa...so i can complete it faster!!!hahaha..so not related!!!gambatte!!!ok..stop blogging.start studying...bai~

owh..
last but not least..
goodbye streamyx!!!
sorry to dump u!!but u behave so bad!!and ive found ur replacement.

XOXO

aku dibesarkan di dalam family yang mana kaum adam membantu kaum hawa membuat kerja rumah.ya betul!!aku x tipu.arwah abah aku akan buat semua kerja rumah yang dibuat oleh kami seperti menjemur kain, mengemas rumah dan yang paling senang membasuh pinggan.walau pun aku rasa adik lelaki ku adalah semalas-malas lelaki di dunia ini, tetapi bila aku duduk dengan orang lain yang ada kaum adam penghuni rumahnya, aku rasa adik lelaki aku tidak lagi layak menyandang title itu.contoh mudahlah, abang iparku sendiri.bila kami terbiasa membasuh pinggan sendiri, tidak kira lelaki atau perempuan, aku jadi 'culture shock' bila abang iparku membiarkan sahaja pinggannya tanpa dicuci di dalam sinki.betul.aku tidak tipu.kami tidak pernah ada pembantu rumah dan kami tidak ada masalah pun.alhamdulillah.dan kami bersyukur kerana dengan cara itu kami boleh membuat kerja rumah sendiri.ok, back to the topic.benda simple like washing the dishes pun tak boleh buat ke?aku sangat marah ok klau ada yang cakap tak reti la.plus ini kan kerja perempuan.hello!!!ada tulis kat mane2 ke yang membasuh pinggan ni kerja perempuan?!!x de kan.so apa salahnya, ko ringan-ringankan tangan membasuh pinggan itu.tapi alhamdulillah abang-abang ipar aku dah boleh basuh sendiri since dah terbiasa dengan kitorang plus dah bernanah kot telinga dengar bebelan mama.muahahahahaha!!!

tapi kan now aku duduk menumpang dengan sepupu ku.aku kekadang jadi marah.semua kerja rumah memang sepupu aku yang buat.memanglah dia surirumah, tapi kalau ko ada kat rumah apa lah salahnya membantu isteri kau yang tersayang tu membuat kerja rumah and tak payah lah nak bossy gila suruh itu suruh ini.macamlah ko x ada tangan kaki nak gerak sendiri.even benda simple like nak makan pun suruh isteri yang amekkan.kamonlah.ok.husband sepupu ku ini adalah singaporean yang kaya dan rumah forever bertukar ganti maid.huh!!!inilah padahnya.samelah macam anak-anak mereka.dulu mereka ada maid, tetapi disebabkan oleh masalah ekonomi mereka tidak lagi mampu untuk hire maid.kadang-kadang aku jadi malas nak tolong sepupu aku sebab aku rase nnti anak dia akan take for granted benda yang aku buat.contoh lah, aku lipat baju ka, aku boleh je nak letak baju tuh kat tempat diorang tapi aku x nak sebab akun nak diorang bertanggungjawab sendiri atas barang diorang.maksudnya, pagi-pagi nak pergi sekolah x payah lah nak terjerit-jerit "kakak, mana baju dalam ain?!!".x perlu tu semua kalau dia tau kat mana die letak barang dia segala.paham x?!!aku memang menumpang, tapi aku bukan maid korang!!!haish..

aku x kesah kalau korang mampu nak hire maid.tapi bagi aku maid boleh membuatkan kita malas, klau ada anak, anak spoiled nak mampus, kita jadi depending sangat kat die, dan x thrill kot klau besarkan and uruskan rumah dengan bantuan orang lain.ntahlah.this is my opinion.macam family aku, parents aku dulu keje jugak kot, tapi alhamdulillah berjaya gak kami dibesarkan.aku salute kot people yang boleh besarkan anak dengan tangan sendiri sambil mencari rezeki dan juga menguruskan rumah without hiring a maid.yess!!dugaan pasti tiba walau macam manapun.mungkin klau ada maid, susahnya begini, klau x demaid, susahnya begitu..ya,tuhan maha adil.aku harap kaum adam di luar sana tolonglah isteri atau kakak atau mak atau makcik buat kerja-kerja rumah yang simple.janganlah nak kate ini keje pompuan or whatever.x rugi.klau yang berumahtangga, insyaAllah akan lebih harmoni, kan?aku harap suami aku juga nanti bukanlah yang tak reti buat benda-benda macam ni.AMIN.

ini mungkin luahan perasaan dan pengalaman aku sahaja.klau ade yang x berkenan, harap mahap la.bai~

XOXO

6 days after the surgery.the pain is still there.
it was a new experience to me.being in the operation theater made me fell so numb.i felt like there's no more blood inside.cold and cold.luckily it was a minor surgery.

alhamdulillah
..everything is getting better.

alhamdulillah
..ive been paying insurance for all this while, so that i dun have to wait for a long period to have the surgery.

alhamdulillah
..the lump is not cancer, just because of unstable hormone.

alhamdulillah
..i got a hunch to do it earlier.

alhamdulillah
..i have very concern friends.

alhamdulillah
..i have my mother besides me.

alhamdulillah
..im so grateful for what's happened.

thanx so very very much for all the pray.
its appreciated.

XOXO

GEMOK!!!

dah gemok sangat dah ni..

cane ye?

waaargh!!!!

owh sudah lame rupenye tidak menghapdet blog ini.ya..kehidupan saye bertambah bz atau saya LLB.wakakakakaka...tidaklah, cuma tidak berkesempatan.wah..ayat mcm sekema giler. ye..yang di atas itu adalah jeritan batinku ye!!!!sangat gemok!!totally gemok!!dah kena sumpah kot dengan budak nonin.terlanjur tertaip name budak ni..aku nak hapdet gak ar pasal die. 20/06/2010 aritu FATIMAH ZAHARAH telah selamat dinikahkan sekaligus selamatlah majlis perkahwinannye..ALHAMDULILLAH.ape kena mengena dengan dak nonin plak?owh..budak ini dan bff nye, ttiq telah datang merewang.walau pun aku tau atas paksaan ttiq, tapi aku kagum gak la..especially ttiq.sangat dedicated!!!dak nonin cukup syarat je.ade lagi..aku mmg suke giler bila ARGENT kalah!!!sebab ko sangat konfiden argent akan menang against german!!!ko makan la sotong goreng tepung itu wahai nonin!!!waka waka!!!

ok, next hapdet.arini baru naik opis..semalam cuti.mama soh cuti dengan alasan nak pergi berubat.ok fine..aku ikut je.aku ingatkan berubat ape...rupenye pasal aku x kahwen lg..huhuhu.klakar la mama ni.yela mama risaukan.x pelah aku folo je..so tiga hari berturut² pergi jumpe Cikgu Kasbin.tawakal je la.thanx mama.

yang ni penting.hahahaha..the-so-called-kekasih-gelap yang konon² sudah officially in relationship suddenly sudah tukar status!!!jeng..jeng..jeng..hahahahaa.so aku dgn kepohnya tanyelah..

apecer?

panjang cer nya..

make it short.

susah ar nak citer.

ok.fine.its ok..

tapi dalam hati sangat jahat.patutla recently mcm forever je memberi komen ke atas status dan post² di fb.rupe²nya!!!aku simpati tapi aku suke!!!JAHAT ok!!!!bertaubat now!!tapi tidak suke juge...sebab aku dah ok dah..dah x ingat pun pasal benda² tu lagi.bile jadi mcm ni, aku sure letih balik!!!!!benci ar...gedik ar ko!!!lalalalaalalalalaalalalala..

ok.bye.

dalam hati ade taman

[syok sendirik]

dalam taman ade jalan ati²

huhu