my very so called first love....glee~

hehe..
my very so called first love...???
until now...really unsure was it my first love or not?
muahahahaha..

well...it's happened a few years back...frankly, i never fell in love before...never ever in my life...cewah!i dunno why...maybe because i dun like to be controlled...[ye ke?] dunnola..

we were classmate..we were never talked to each other...we dun even gave a damn of each other existence...watever..!but the pain of first love heartbreak is really deep,huh?

maybe..it's a 'bertepok sebelah tangan' relationship....or watever..i dunno...but somehow,i did regret we put the relationship into that 'way'...because, things really changed after that 'relationship' between us...i feel that i lost a friend...because we were actually friends..that's made me regret the most..

there's no one to blame...maybe, that was my first time being treated that way...so, i felt like not 'berpijak di bumi yang nyata'...hahaha..but he also..not supposed to treat me like that..yes..he told me that he need sometimes to take it serious..but during that 'sometimes' he treated me differently...i dun even care...[but sometimes i do]...because now there's a HUGE gap between us...i really want to keep in touch with him..butthen, the way he respond to me make me feel like that am the one who 'terhegeh2' to get him..hello!i dun wan to lose a friendship...be professional okay!

i dunno what the reason he's been doing that...and i dun want to know...assuming that he really dun wan to befriend with me anymore..but, there's a fact that i hate the most...i do really miss him...friends told me...'it does not worth at all to miss & wait that kind of person'...it's true..very true..but really its hard to forget him..stupid huh?

because of this also...am afraid to fall in love!hoho..but i always pray that ALLAH will give me a good person in future...AMIN.

to all..


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it's a new beginning..

^sigh^
it's been a while i have never posted a blog...i've almost give up to write one as my english not so good ..but after reading others,i do agree blog is a way to express our feeling~whatever it is~rather than we keep it inside..and a way to improve my english..i guess..huhu

six month back was the most sad & depressed moment in my life ..before this, i only xperienced this from others...i can only console them by saying..'this is all fate.what we can do is to be patient'.but...it's not that easy.11th of june...i lost my very BELOVED ABAH...yes,everyone on earth will die...but the heartbreak of losing someone you loved is so so so so so soooooooo hurt..luckily at that time, i've cancelled to go back to KL [it's the instinct..maybe.wallahualam] but..i really thanked God.because if i did go back, then i will regret it for the whole of my life... in the beginning,it was hard for me to accept the lost..as i was anak ABAH and still...to ABAH, i can talk about car..he was the only person [xcept abang] who support me to buy a 2nd hand car..everthing i told him,everything i want...he always support me.i really spoiled by him...i really miss him..Al-Fatihah....

mama...on the other hand is so tough.she is the superwoman...!she didn't show us her sadness..what she always say is 'redakanlah ABAH pergi,doakan lah kesejahteraan ABAH di sana'...not exactly the same la...but we do know deep inside her heart, cries.

of course after ABAH pass away, mama is the only one who will stay in the house.as most of us is working & studying outside johor, my two sisters who live at parit raje~it's nearby & kluang...rotating to stay with mama.it's quite difficult as both of them have their own commitment..sometimes they arrived home late...or whatever..and mama is left alone in the house...sulking..so..i've decided to resign and moved back to johor..[my sisters also tried to persuade me so many many times] although it's hard for me to do this as most of my friends are in KL, i had a good job, good environment...hurmmm what else?..great friends..i will never enjoyed myself stay in Johor..and it's hard to find a job in Johor with my current pay and current environment...[thats are some of the reason i gave to them la]

it's not like i want to 'tunjuk baik'...but i don't want to regret in future..after being advised by this 'kakak'...'kawan ko boleh cari..tp parents mane ade ganti...' that's make me really touched..she is so right and i don't even want to lose someone who brought me up..rather than let mama sulking alone by herself..'lame~lame' must be very bad..so, it's time for me to sacrifice.logically, i'm the one who really flexible...because i don't have any commitment yet..as abang is bonded with MAS..amy is just starting her study..my three elder sisters are married...who else can do...its me!if i say NO...then i'll become the most 'jual ikan' person on earth!plus...mama threathened us to marry again if no one among us stay home & accompany her...there's NO WAY![tho i know she's joking...but it's not funny!] it's actually in my mind...i have to be optimistic .there's a lot of vacancies out there [i live at the industrial area]..so, it's not some kind of HUGE problem...whether u have the effort or not...that's all..

i can still enjoy my life..during weekend for example...i can go to kl..visiting my friends..'lepak' together..chit chatting..go holidays together..thats all can be done whether i'm in johor or kl...it's still MALAYSIA!hoho..i do miss my great friends in KL...but what to do...this is what i have to do..thanx guys for being SUPPORTIVE..u guys rox!

now...while waiting for any interviews, i babysit my nephews with pay..[that is what promised by my sister...]..well u know...it's school holiday...their 'mak'~who babysit my sister's children~cannot stand their behaviour....so nottie!and more interesting all my siblings who have worked will each give me allowance...woo-hoo!but...for sure..i cannot sit laidback...and 'goyang kaki' chit chatting & surfing the internet plus posting a blog...i need to find a job...i have about one week while waiting mama retire...she actually will retire on March 2008...but end of this year is kind of 'REMOVE'...mama don't have to 'ulang alik' from jb lor..it's tiring..VERY!

so...i really hope that my life will getting better...and proper..hehe.but first i have to plan what i really want [ it's hard to get what we really want...that's for sure] then, i need to work & pray hard to achieve it..AMIN..

to all MALAYSIAN...merry xmas!